I Miss You...
Topic: Poetry

I feel as though tomorrow is so far way,
        though it is already here.
And yesterday was ages ago,
        but it's only been a few hours.
Months have passed since I heard your voice,
        I wish it sounded the same.
Years have gone by since I was held in your arms,
        if only your warmth wasn't so far away...

I've missed you.
I've thought about you.

I haven't forgotten the way you smile,
        though your smile is such a mystery now.
Nor have I forgotten the way your jacket smelt,
        though I have not been that close to you for so long.
You're the only one I'll let in without question,
        yet you're the only one who doesn't take advantage of it.

Shhh, they're not watching,
        their cameras are all broken.
So let go for once,
        and act like you care.
I know the one I've defended all these years,
         is somewhere inside there.

Please don't crush me,
         for I've been waiting for so long.
And all these tears inside me,
         are waiting for everything to go wrong.
I know you haven't missed me,
         or I will doubt it if you claim.
And every time I speak of you,
         I feel as though it's all a game.
A twisted game of confusion,
         where I still don't know what side I'm on.

I hear stories of the past,
         and remember times that no one else seems to.
It makes me wonder if any of it is true,
         or if my life is made of lies.
Things I am sent to fall back on,
         then fall through like a hole in the floor.

Our conversations were never too long,
         never too interesting,
                  never too joyous.

I wish I knew you,
         but all I know is a name, a picture, and a memory.
I still wonder if it's fiction,
         or if it's reality.

Though either way I'm holding on for dear life
Because no matter how frail the rope is getting,
         and how close it is to breaking...

I still don't know how far I'm gonna fall.

Confusing the Explanation
Topic: Poetry

If love is just a word,

     Then are these feelings all FAKE?

All these thoughts,

               They knot like string on a winding web of things I'd wish to believe...

 

Is there a tomorrow?

          Or is this the moment,

The only one I will experience forever?

 

Will I see him once more?

     Or will he disappear?

          Or will I?

 

How must I believe that everything is alright in his arms,

     When inside I'm EXPLODING with fireworks,

          And butterflies are brushing against the sides of my stomach,

               Making me want to giggle and SQUEAL whenever he's near.

 

Time is claimed to be so short,

Though our time is the longest we'll ever see.

 

In the thought of the universe,

               We are barley a SPECK,

Yet in the jungle of a lawn,

                    We are BIGGER than a super bowl stadium.

 

It might be true that love is only a word,

          But actions of that word is what we LIVE for,

                Why we try.

 

Why fake the happy?

          Turn around and smile,

No one knows,

      All they see is pure FALSE JOY.

 

Cuts and drugs,

      Hidden away,

            Connecting LIES,

Pouring your INSANITY into a vortex    of NOTHING    buried in your chest.

 

Two-faced?... no,

      Life is two-faced.

            The only thing that could be called that,

The only thing possible of making you fully experience betrayal.

 

Saying goodbye is what we fear,

        The pain of tomorrow's loss,

   Most tremble in spite of the utter thought of it,

              Then some stand and ask for it dry.

 

Though my only doubt is that anyone will understand…

 

    -Axie 

Forgotten Nightmare
Topic: Poetry

Running circles ‘round my head,

Don’t look back or you’ll end up dead.

 

I’m wishing, waiting, for all this to stop,

I’ve had to much and I’m about to drop.

 

Falling fast I hit the ground,

One last thing is all they found.

 

My memories and thoughts all stuck together,

Binded with string like a paper letter.

 

I never said goodbye,

Just left you to cry.

 

Now I watch you from afar,

Wondering if you’ll get out of your car.

 

Now my will is set in play,

All my stuff has gone away.

 

One last time I hear you say,

That all you wanted was to have me stay.

 

The suddenly like a beam of light,

I wake up in the dead of night.

 

I gaze over to you,

But your body is not seen,

Then I remember,

 

You fell.

 

 

Not me...

 

    -Axie

11/17/07
Topic: Poetry

I’m sick of it,

Sick of this.

 

Sick of lying,

Just to make myself seem interesting,

Faking my emotions,

Just to tell you I care,

Smiling,

To show that I’m paying attention,

And making you think everything you say to me,

Is meaningful in one way or another,

That every word out of your mouth,

Is exactly what I was expecting,

Exactly what I wanted to hear.

 

I’m tired of this mask,

This one I’ve worn every moment of my pathetic life,

That I can't get rid of,

Like its super glued onto my face,

Wanting, even me, to believe that it's who I am,

Who I want to be in the end,

Who I’ve expected to see looking back at me in the mirror.

 

Why does my love feel so fake, but I tell you it's so real?

It’s a lie I tell you,

I want to scream,

Tell you the truth,

Say everything on my mind,

And have you barely blink.

 

It’s all rushing by,

Like cars on a freeway,

All the things I told you,

The promises I claimed,

The imaginative people in my stories,

Just so you wouldn’t ask questions.

 

I made you trust me through words,

And you fell for it,

You and everyone else.

 

Everyone who I saw,

Who saw me,

Who saw it,

The mask,

The outer shell.

 

The me no one broke,

No one saw crash,

Breakdown.

 

The one no one saw melting in his arms,

Wanting him to hold me,

And claim everything to be wonderful within my world,

Like a fairy tale,

Only inches away from “happily ever after”.

 

Then the scene director shouts “cut”,

And the entire episode is destroyed.

 

Have you ever felt that?

The want to keep going,

Have the film roll on,

Like you’re standing on a stage,

Waiting for your next line to spill out of your mouth,

Like gumballs out of a broken machine.

 

How can you say that life is so amazing?

When most people don’t even know who they are.

 

    -Axie